HIS Mess!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Weak Link

I am still growing even though I don't ever get to blog about it.

I am struggling with being selfish. Why is it so hard for me to keep my eyes on the love that I will someday get when I am in Heaven? Why do I take thing into my own hands? Why am I not patient enough to let God do what he want to do with me? I try to fill my voids in my own ways. I don't always seek Gods guidance and even some times when I do seek his guidance I still chose to go in my own direction. I'm weak. I'm nothing. Yet God still loves me so much. More than I can ever know. Why is it that I forget though? I'm only a mist, here today gone tomorrow. I am working on a lot of thing right now. I know what I need to do, its just hard for me to sometimes stop letting my heart get involved. My heart deceives me more times than not. I am hungry for an authentic faith. I want to be wildly in love with God. I want him to be the one who fills my every desire. I want to learn how to be completely satisfied with the love he will give me. I'm trying so hard to learn how that really feels. I know the love he can give me will be more powerful than the touch and embrace of the people I love here on earth can even give me. You know, the way it feels on your skin when the people you love hug you and hold you and you can actually feel it. I just have to learn how it feels for Gods kind of love to fall over me. I think what I have to do is just give everything up that makes me feel good in the moment and just sit quietly and wait for Gods hand to touch me. Not really as easy as it sounds. I'm trying.

Reading the book of Job...read it with me...